50 How To's

1.       How to open a can ^

2.       How to shuck corn

3.       How to cook beans

4.       How to make instant ramen ^

5.       How to finger paint ^

6.       How to make origami

7.       How to pitch a ball

8.       How to walk your dog ^

9.       How to change a diaper

10.   How to write a book

11.   How to write poetry

12.   How to punch

13.   How to make matcha tea

14.   How to hem pants

15.   How to kill a fly ^

16.   How to kiss

17.   How to paint a mountain ^

18.   How to enjoy abstract art

19.   How to give a good handshake ^

20.   How to give a good speech ^

21.   How to punch a pickle

22.   How to kiss a kite

23.   How to levitate to that thing on fire in the sky

24.   How to get back Stacey

25.   How to impress my parakeet ^

26.   How to frame a lizard for murder ^

27.   How to frame grandma for murder ^

28.   How to lose my pants

29.   How to gain the trust of a bean ^

30.   How to tell corn to piss off

31.   How to love again, Stacey please

32.   How to be cooler than my wife’s boyfriend

33.   How to open like an umbrella

34.   How to get the stray pineapple out of my fridge ^

35.   How to get my cat to pay rent ^

36.   How to throw a squirrel

37.   How to sing with your knees

38.   How to play with fire

39.   How to catch the moon ^

40.   How to shower in the sing

41.   How to become a banana ^

42.   How to be three peas in a pod with real peas ^

43.   How to live with a skeleton in your closet ^

44.   How to dispose of everything BUT the trash ^

45.   How to throw yourself a party

46.   How to make your life into a romcom

47.   How to peel chickens

48.   How to please the sea-sponge in the toilet

49.   How to sleep with the fishes ^

50.   How to ask my neighborhood bully to read me a bedtime story